6 Signs of Emotional Abuse – PART I

Mental or emotional abuse can happen in various types of relationships, not just romantic ones. We often see it when we see someone controlling a potential victim through emotions, such as criticizing, embarrassing, shaming, blaming, or manipulating them.

Typically, a relationship becomes emotionally abusive when there is a continual cycle of hurtful words and intimidating actions that gradually diminish a person's self-worth and impact their mental well-being.

Emotional abuse aims to control the other individual by discrediting, isolating, and silencing them. Identifying this type of abuse can be quite challenging since it tends to be subtle and sneaky. However, it can also come across as direct and controlling.

Emotional abuse has a way of slowly eroding your self-esteem, leading you to question your own perceptions and reality. Ultimately, you might start to feel confined. People who have been emotionally abused often find themselves in a difficult situation where they feel too hurt to continue the relationship, yet too scared to walk away. So, it just keeps happening over and over until someone takes action.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Identifying signs of emotional abuse is crucial. Just remember, whether it's your partner, parent, co-worker, or friend, if they do just a few of these things instead of all of them, your relationship with them can still be emotionally abusive.

Don't forget that emotional abuse can be subtle when thinking about your relationship. It's really tough to spot the signs as a result. Consider how your interactions in the relationship make you feel if you're unsure if it's abusive.

Unrealistic Expectations

One indication of emotional abuse is when someone sets unrealistic expectations for you. Here are some examples:

• Requesting things that are not feasible.
• They’re counting on you to set everything else aside and address their needs.
• Wanting to be together all the time.
• Feeling unsatisfied despite your efforts and generosity.
• Pointing out your incomplete tasks don’t meet their expectations.
• Anticipating that you will align with their viewpoint (i.e., differing opinions are not welcome)
• Insisting on specific dates and times when talking about things that bother you (and if you can’t, they might act like if never happened).

Invalidates You

One way to tell if someone is emotionally abusive is when they constantly invalidate your feelings. Here are a few instances of invalidation:

• Discrediting, ignoring, or twisting your perceptions or your reality.
• Denying your emotions by attempting to dictate how you ought to feel.
• Having to repeatedly share your emotions.
• Claiming you’re overly “sensitive,” “emotional,” or “irrational.”
• Not recognizing or embracing your thoughts or ideas as valid.
• Brushing off your requests, wants, and needs as unreasonable or undeserved.
• When someone tells you that “you’re blowing things out of proportion” or “exaggerating it,” can make you feel like your perceptions are being questioned.
• It’s like you’re being accused of being selfish, needy, or materialistic just for expressing your wants or needs, as if you’re not supposed to have any.

Creates Chaos

Individuals who are emotionally abusive often thrive on creating chaos. Here are a few instances of this red flag:

• Arguing just for the fun of it.
• Expressing ideas that are unclear and inconsistent (sometimes referred to as “crazy-making”).
• Experiencing sudden shifts in mood or unexpected emotional reactions.
• Paying close attention to your clothes, hair, work, and other details.
• Acting in a way that is so unpredictable and erratic that it feels like you have to be extremely cautious in your interactions.

Uses Emotional Blackmail

When someone attempts to manipulate your feelings, it could be a form of emotional abuse. Here are some instances of emotional blackmail:

• Trying to manipulate and control you by making you feel guilty and giving you a guilt trip.
• Embarrassing you in public or in private.
• Manipulating your fears, values, compassion, or other sensitive areas to influence you or the situation.
• Highlighting flaws excessively or bringing them up to shift focus or evade accountability for their own errors or decisions.
• Claiming that an event did not occur or providing false information about it.
• Using tactics like withholding affection or giving you silent treatment as a form of punishment.

Comes Across as Superior

Individuals who engage in emotional abuse tend to display a sense of superiority and entitlement. Consider these signs to determine if the person in your life is showing emotional abuse:

• Acting as if you are beneath them.
• Pointing fingers at you for their errors and deficiencies.
• Questioning all your statements and trying to find evidence to contradict you.
• Poking fun at you.
• Saying that your opinions, ideas, values, and thoughts are not logical or make no sense.
• Speaking in a patronizing or belittling manner.
• Behaving as if they are constantly correct, have the best solutions, and are more intelligent than you.

Controls and Isolates You

Emotionally abusive individuals may try to isolate and control you. Here are a few instances of this type of emotional abuse:

• Determining who you choose to be around, such as friends and family.
• Monitoring your digital activity, such as text messages, social media, and email.
• Claiming you cheated and feeling envious of relationships with others.
• Keeping or hiding your car keys.
• Wanting to always know your whereabouts or tracking your movements using GPS.
• Viewing you as something to own or control.
• Poking fun at your friends, family, and co-workers.
• Viewing jealousy and envy as a sign of love and to prevent you from being with others.
• Managing the finances.
• Forcing out to spend all your time together.

References

National Network to End Domestic Violence. Forms of abuse.

National Domestic Violence Hotline. Understand relationship abuse.